What is important about this book
Whether it’s the anxiety before a dentist appointment, the frustration of traffic, or the pain of a breakup, our days are often filled with intense emotions that test us. While uncomfortable or difficult, emotions are a valuable resource: when managed mindfully, they act as an internal guidance system, helping us interpret context, respond appropriately, and make better decisions.
Ethan Kross is an American experimental psychologist, neuroscientist and author, specialized in emotion regulation. He is a professor of psychology and management at the University of Michigan and director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory and has been noted for his participation in White House policy discussions and TED Talks and argues that understanding how to manage our emotions is one of the greatest challenges we face, because how we handle them shapes everything—from how our day unfolds to our children’s emotional world, our workplaces and communities, and even global political conflicts.
Shift draws on cutting-edge research and compelling real-life stories of people navigating their emotions, whether successfully or in moments of crisis. From a mother whose split-second decision saved her daughter’s life during a flight to a nuclear-coded Navy SEAL who learned to embrace both joy and pain during brutal training, Shift explores the power of emotional mastery by combining practical advice, science, and inspiration. It offers a clear path toward emotional control—and helping others do the same. It highlights a wide range of tools that are already within reach: in our bodies, minds, relationships, and environments. And it shows how to use them to gain greater health and success.
Quotes
- “How we handle [our emotions] shapes everything from the unfolding of a single day in our own individual lives, to our children’s emotional world, to our workplaces and communities, to political conflicts that unfold around the globe”
- “The goal is not to run from negative emotions, or pursue only the feel-good ones, but to be able to shift: experience all of them, learn from them, and, when needed, move easily from one emotional state into another”
- “Simply put, the ability to control your emotions isn’t just about avoiding the dark side of life; it’s about enriching the positive, generative, and rewarding dimensions of existence as well”
- “The appearance of an emotion is merely the beginning: What we do or say or think affects the ongoing nature and timeline of the emotional reaction”
- “When we use the primitive pathways of sensation, we access a relatively effortless way to shift”
Structure and contents of the book
The book is organized around different strategies for managing emotions, each one rooted in research and explained with clarity and relevance. Kross explores the impact of emotions in our lives and how we can respond to them more effectively using a variety of tools. Each chapter addresses a specific emotional challenge and presents strategies to deal with it.
Key strategies include:
- Harness your senses: Engaging the senses—touch, taste, sight, hearing, and smell—can shift our emotional state. Listening to upbeat music, walking barefoot on the beach, or savoring a delicious treat can help us move out of a negative feeling with minimal effort.
- Change your focus: While chronic avoidance is unhelpful, temporarily distracting ourselves from overwhelming emotions can be useful. For example, walking away from conflict or reading a novel may help us calm down and gain clarity.
- Alter your perspective: Reframing a situation (e.g., seeing a partner’s lateness as work-related rather than personal) can reduce reactivity. Kross also suggests self-distancing—talking to yourself in the third person—as a fast track to shifting perspective.
- Change your location: Our environment has a powerful influence on mood. A short walk in nature or a calming space can quickly improve mental clarity and emotional stability.
- Reach out to the right people: Emotional support should come from people who offer both empathy and perspective. Kross emphasizes the importance of finding individuals who can provide a healthy balance of both.
- Find a culture that suits you: The groups and communities we belong to shape how we handle emotions. Identifying a supportive environment—be it religious, therapeutic, or social—can be critical to emotional well-being.
- Practice: Regularly using these techniques in low-stress situations builds emotional agility. Practice makes it easier to apply them when emotions run high. Kross stresses that no strategy fits every moment—experimenting helps build a personal toolkit.
Instructions for reading this book
Kross warns that no one solution will work for every situation. The key is to experiment with different strategies so that they become natural when emotions run high. The book emphasizes that learning to manage emotions is an ongoing process, not a temporary solution.
Shift, proposes a new approach to emotional regulation, challenging widespread ideas such as that avoiding emotions is always wrong or that we should constantly live in the present. Through cutting-edge research and true stories, Ethan Kross shows that we can learn to shift and recalibrate our emotions, without repressing them but also not letting them overwhelm us.
We all experience positive and negative emotions that emerge in response to our experiences, and science clearly states that these help us stay safe, healthy and happy. For example, if we are out alone at night and hear a sudden noise, we will experience a wave of fear that will focus our attention and physically prepare us to react to the perceived danger.
However, although fear can be useful in dangerous situations, we may also overreact with too much fear, or be unable to recover from the emotion when it is no longer necessary.
Kross’s writing is clear and accessible, turning complex neuroscience into practical advice. Shift is not just for those with a scientific background; no prior knowledge is required; it is a book designed for anyone who wants to improve their emotional coping skills (e.g., greater resilience) and is especially useful for those who struggle with emotional reactivity or frequently find themselves stuck in difficult emotional states.
Shift provides practical, research-backed guidance for anyone looking to improve emotional regulation in both personal and professional life. Managing emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them, but learning to navigate them – amplifying the positive and becoming more emotionally agile. This kind of competence does not only impact us, but can extend to families, workplaces, communities, and even the political and social spheres.